off to chicago in less than a day...

we'll be leaving to chicago for yet another wedding this weekend. this time, we'll be staying downtown. we will be attending chiyang's cousin's wedding. but to be honest, that's not exactly what i'm looking forward to... or bracing myself for.

as you know, with my illness, i've fluctuated with weight like crazy. and so i'm bracing myself for the weight-gain question... again... chiyang's family seems to be semi-obsessed with weight. i mean i know we are not the fittest, but i know i make nutritous meals, they are healthy and i'm totally in love with my husband. so i really hate it when his family tells me he's getting fat and then there's the natural implication that it's my fault. erm... firstly, i don't have a problem with his body. secondly, he is soooo not fat... he's just the normally too-busy-for-workout look. and thirdly, if you really want to talk about diet, i cook good food, now he eats one meal a day without my "supervision", so how's that my fault?!

then of course, there is the "you better watch your weight" thing too. yes, i am watching my weight. people on the medications i'm on balloon upwards of 200lbs. so since i'm no where close, i think i've watched it pretty well.... thank you very much!

actually, all that aside... i'm actually looking forward to sunday... noooo, not saturday, where the wedding is buzzing. i'm secretly nervous and excited about sunday. i've been asked to share an update with our church back in chinatown.

i really have been yearning to share with them an update on my health, but most importantly, i've really felt moved to share about how the mobilization of the christian community both here in phoenix, and in chicago, and actually worldwide, has really brought my family and myself much encouragement and aid in our time of need.

now that's all nice... but i've not found time to pen my thoughts. i have 10 mins. so please pray that i will use my time wisely and that whatever i say up there, will be what the church in chinatown really needs to hear.

really! i need prayer... i've responded to the spirit's moving to volunteer to speak, and now i really need the wisdom and strength to put this all down on paper so my head will be clear for sunday. thanks!!!

Reminder that I don't belong...

this past saturday chiyang conducted the quarterly men's gathering for our church. so instead of staying home, i decided to take cody to the nearby world renowned, scottsdale fashion square.

for those who don't know where this is, it's a shopping center in prime real estate, where in the winter, celebrity sightings are not uncommon. it's actually quite a wonderful place to go to stay out of the heat. there are floors and floors of shops to browse through, kill time, and stay cool. and the best part of it all, there is a play area for children to burn off some extra energy after being pushed around in their stroller for the most part of mom's shopping.

cody and i got to the play area at around 1pm. it was prime time, since most mom's would have gotten done with their shopping and lunch and now just wanted about 30 mins of "playtime" for their kids to "work it all off" before the wonderous nap-in-the-car drive home. needless to say, there are many children in the play area. cody had a blast.

and just like clock-work, at 1:30pm, the play area started clearing out. suddenly there were no more than 6 kids in the play area. things had calmed down, and i was thankful for it. all this time, i had been worried about cody climbing up the "mountain" to slide down the "waterfalls". they have this feature that's about 4 1/2 feet high, where kids use a "bridge" to climb up to the top of the "mountain", which is kind of like lake tahoe (there's "water" in the crater), and slide down the "waterfalls" (two slides, one steeper than the other). it's actually a very fun. but it become scary when 5 kids are trying to come down at once, and there you are at the bottom wonderful if your kid will make it, will fall on someone on the way down, hurt someone or be that unfortunate "someone".

but now that most of the kids had cleared out, cody was the only one on top of the mountain. so i walked over to the "gentler" slide, calling and motioning to him to come over towards me. just about that time, a sweet little girl came climbing up the bridge, she was no more than 18 months old. and then her "too old to be in the play area" older brother (i'm guessing around 6 yrs old), came up with her. as i called and motioned to cody, the little girl just stared wide eyed at me, and had started to move towards me. i noticed from the corner of my eye, her brother had started to grab her hand, holding her back. so i looked to her brother to see if he was okay watching his sister. and to my surprise, he shot me the nastiest look. it was a glare. so in changed my body language to demonstrate that i was going to mind my own business and that i was clearly only talking to cody. when his sister continued to look at me (probably out of curiosity), he walked between myself and his sister, and raised his hand to "block" me from getting too near to her. and all this time, he never let up his glare. i was quite shocked. i tried one more time to reassure him that i wasn't interested in him or his sister, by looking specifically at cody and calling to him, "come on, come to mama, mama can help you down the slide..." at that, the brother said very loudly, "come on, I WILL help you down." and the moment they got down, he looked right at me and said "let's go SOMEWHERE ELSE to play". the look is one that will be hard to forget... it was hardened, mean and most of all unnecessary.

i just recalled myself thinking, "that's why we don't live in scottsdale"... later on, i shared it with chiyang and he said "that's parenting"... i can't help but agree. and also feel extremely sorry for those children, if it really was parenting. i mean, he was not more than 6 and little did he know, but what he said and the look he gave me was so degrading, so insulting and so racist.

maybe i'm more sensitive, because i'm not from here, because i didn't grow up in an environment where i was raised to "let it slide"... hmm... it's been three days since it happened, but it's still bothering me. actually, it really makes me want to go back home to singapore. where i know my child won't get looks like that. but i know, everywhere we go, there are various tones of prejudices...

yup... it's a reminder, this world is so flawed, and that i'm glad i don't belong.

Illegal Help... Hmm...

the gardener who gave me a quote yesterday but never showed up, came early this morning. while we were just waking up, our dogs started barking. chiyang went out to check on what was bothering them, and realized that the front yard had been trimmed and the gardener was moving his stuff over to the backyard, where the dogs could see them. chiyang wanted to be clear about what needed to be done, so he walked out to have a word with the guy working the yard. when he came back in, chiyang said he wasn't the owner whom i'd negotiated price with. he was younger. and chiyang said, "maybe he's the son..." i asked if he is willing to do all the additional stuff chiyang asked of him, and chiyang said "i'm not sure, he doesn't speak english."

now tell me, how can a person with weak english have a son who can't speak english at all? i told chiyang he couldn't be the son. i went out to see for myself. the boy could not have been more than 16 yrs old. chiyang and i both had uneasy feelings that we might have hired help who had in turn, farmed out help to illegals...

there is a lot of this going on here in phoenix. both the licensed and unlicensed contractors hire illegals. the only difference is probably how much the charge the end-user, us! with the unlicensed contractors, you can probably negoitate prices with, whereas the licensed ones they have high overheads, and tend to charge an arm and a leg. but often times, both type will ended up having undocumented help. sigh...

i don't think we'll use this guy again... but still, i think this was the closest i've ever been to hiring illegals... it's sad... it's starting to rain and the poor guy is still out there. i'm praying God will hold the rain so his job will be a lot easier. and i'm thankful my yard is fairly low maint.

as for my tree update... it's up, but being propped up by sticks, ignacio, the company owner, the one i talked price with, has gone to buy wires to hold up the tree. he has since come to help and oversee. i feel better that he's around. but still... it's given me much pause...

no shows...

i've concluded, gardeners/landscapers are like cable guys... they say they are going to come, they give you a timeframe, and they either come at the very last 15 mins of the timeframe, come hours later, or don't show at all!!!

yesterday i waited all day, from morning till evening for three promised estimates. all said they would come in the afternoon, and none showed up! today, one said he would come between 10 am and 1 pm, and at 12:45 pm, called to say he will be coming. but then, by that time, i had pretty much given up and given the job to a guy who said he would come at 9 am but came at 10 am. so here i am think, he said he would be back with his crew sometime between 12 noon and 1 pm. it's 3 pm now. and i don't hear his truck, see anyone resembling a landscaping crew, or ANYTHING!!! hrumph...

my poor tree with it's roots up in the air, sunning away in the brutal sun, and no one cares to put them back into the dirt. i know, my little tree is so unimportant compared to all the other storm damage out there. there are roads completely blocked, people's driveway obstructed by 40-yr-old trees. but still! they said they would come, and they didn't! didn't honor their word! argh... not nice!

okay... completely different thought... i went over to my parents' community to pick up mail, and the street where the mailboxes are on have two rows of trees, 5 on each side of the street. the storm took them all down... but it was quite an interesting sight. they were all blown down in the same direction, like they all came down at once. i couldn't help but feel like i was standing in joseph's dream. the one where the sheaves of grain bowed down to him. the trees on that street had kind of weepy leaves and branches, so it really resembled sheaves of grain... it was interesting...

It fell down!

last night we had quite a spectacular storm. the lightning was incredible, the rain fell in sheets of water, slapping the windows all around our house. our dogs were freaked out. scooter got diarhea from the nervousness... yeah, our dogs have anxiety issues. the canal behind our home flooded, and broke, pouring water into our community streets. it turned the roads into rivers. it was "take-out-garbage" night, so there were dumpsters floating down the streets, and trash everywhere.

after the storm calmed down... chiyang went out to assess the damage... unbelieveable, our one sturdy ficus tree, the one that has been so lush and faithful to shading our home got toppled over!!! it fell over, completely blocking poo-alley (where our dogs poop). so just imagine the doggies anxiety levels when they realized they can't go where they usually go. but noooo... that's not the part that's the problem.

problem is, everyone everywhere has trees down. some on top of their homes, some with 80-ft trees blocking their street, some with trucks so big they have to get tractors in to roll them off after their trucks get chopped up!!! it's insane!!!

i've called around to get estimates for restoring our tree, and i am having a hard time getting through the phone lines. and when i do, no one wants to commit to a price or really want to show up after i tell them the size of my tree. it's so insignificant to them... but it's my one faithful pretty tree. all the others have not been as faithful and useful and maint-free and pretty and happy as this one.

so now we are looking at about $150 in restoring it... sigh... so much for a tree... one tree! but i guess it's worth it.

lord, thank you for the rain, we needed it. but my tree...? maybe you thought it was time we got a landscaper/gardener in to tidy up our yard. thanks!!! i know, i guess our cheap-o-rama streak had to end sometime...

Re-Visited Discussions

once again, we are back on the topic of debt reduction, generating passive income and possibly selling this home. each time we have this discussion, i've been very resistant to change. i had spent many hours putting together our contingency plan. it has a lot of detail, a lot of order and of course, a lot of brain-power. however, that steadfastness to the original conservative plan has waned...

on friday night, i got an email from the builder of a property chiyang and i had identified as a potential investment opportunity. i clicked onto the builder's website, and started browsing. and next thing i knew, i was looking at a home that i really liked. problem... of course there are problems! problem is, it's no where near where we live. no where near phoenix, no where near chiyang's work... and well, regarding church, once again we will be the members living the furthest away... except, this time instead of the furthest southwest, we would probably be the furthest southeast!!!

chiyang and i talked about it, prayed about it, will still need to pray more and get clearer insight. but what i want to write about is the fact that i've stunned myself in being willing to consider this option, and have even found myself falling in love with the choice. totally out of character!!!

i mean, i've always had the mantra of wanting to live in a diverse, cosmopolitan community. however, this option would take us out into the sticks!!! i mean, hello? when we were driving around checking it out, at one point we were on a dirt road and i told chiyang, "this is where they dump bodies!"

okay... before you think i'm ready for the wide open fields of rural living, let me frame it this way. i see much potential in the development of this area, so that one day, it will be quite a hub of suburbia... and well, looking at a financial investment point of view... it will be a great investment!!! we would be able to in a couple of years, sell that home, and pay off all debts and have some reserve to start up somewhere else...

and well... where might that somewhere else be? well... chiyang has been talking about wanting to move to singapore. yes! chiyang is the one talking... not me... of course, i would love to move back home... but i'd never dare suggest it. just the thought of suggesting it brings much nervousness to me for i have to consider how my in-laws will take it. it would appear that i'm taking their son further and further away from them...

there is the other thought that occurs right along with it. when all debts are paid off... we are talking mostly medical school loans... we will be able to go into missions... chiyang had chosen family practice over all other specialties for the purpose of being more equipped for medical missions. we've talked about it many times over, how singapore is a great launching pad into different countries. and how cody and i could remain in singapore visiting family while chiyang goes on short-term stints in india, cambodia, thailand, etc... and if it is longer... we could join him if the location isn't too rural.

i guess i'm tired of seeing chiyang feel so slaved to his job just trying to pay off medical school loans so that he could do what he really wanted to do in the first place. so maybe that's why i'm now ready to enter into a more or less "out of character" decision.

pray for us... we are still considering the options... pray that the opening and closing of doors will be clear to us...

thanks!

the cody bear broke free... again, and again, and again!!!

two nights ago, cody woke up crying. we heard him through the baby monitor. both of us were too lazy to go get him, and i was half hoping that it was just a bad dream. then when we both finally realized it wasn't a bad dream and the crying wouldn't stop, chiyang got up to wash up before going to his room. then suddenly there was silence. and then a very loud scream. we both shot looks of horror at each other. the cody bear managed to climb out of the crib!!! he had fallen!

then last night, again... we heard wimpering... again, i was hoping it was a bad dream... that happens you know... but this time, chiyang got up immediately. he had the same concern... but this time, after the crying, there was silence... and to our amazement... we heard scampering in the hallway... at first i thought, maybe one of the dogs had got to check on him... then suddenly a faint thud and then a loud scream!!! chiyang found him in the living room. cody had not only managed to climb out of the crib... that, apparently wasn't the problem this time... it was the fact that he had wandering our of his room and into the living room, got disoriented in the darkness and walked right into the sofa!!!

insane!!!

then this afternoon, soon after i had put him down for a nap and left the room, i heard the door open. once again, that child had skillfully climbed out and was trying to get out of his room. i quickly went back, pick him up and made sure he didn't get out of the room. but my goodness! he was crying not because he fell, but that i busted him from his "escape"!!! good grief!

i just got off the phone with chiyang (who's still at work) and we agreed... our worse fears may be reality soon! that we'll be hostages in our rooms! we've been putting off taking cody out of the crib, cos we like the confinement. if he wakes up, he has to call for us. that way, he usually thinks twice about getting us. instead, he usually would talk himself back to sleep... sometimes even sings... but now that we will be taking the crib away... he's got free reign of the house. that means... we might get stuck locking ourselves in our rooms and telling him to go back to his!!!

aaaahhhhh! i've been dreading that day!!! we were hoping to wait till he was about 2 1/2 yrs old... but good grief, he's beating us by 6 months!!!

pray for us!!!

The Two Most Awesome Men In My Life...

Like Father, Like Son...

Pledging Allegience on the 4th of July...

he is really growing up...

this evening we went for a family walk... since chiyang is the homeowners association's president, we have come to call it "walking to hood"... but towards the end of the walk, we headed to the small playground in our community.

while there, cody insisted on sitting on the "big boy" swing by himself. you know, not the little cup swings, where there is more support cos you just plop them into the cup and their legs hang out. he wanted to sit on the big ones!!! the ones you and i sit on and recall our childhood days, daring one another to go higher and higher and higher... that one!!!

chiyang had gone to one swing, so i asked him to hold cody in his lap so they could both sit in the "big boy" swing. but while i wasn't looking, chiyang placed cody in the swing (all by himself), and next thing i heard in the background a faint but excited cry "wee... wee... wee...!!!" i saw cody, all by himself, and chiyang behind him, gently pushing him. i couldn't believe it! cody was all by himself, clutching on the chains of the swing for his dear life with a big grin on his face. he managed himself pretty well. he followed instructions to "hold on tight with two hands" and squealed delightfully "weeeeeee!!! more, more... weeeeee!!!" as the wind breezed through his hair.

i couldn't believe it... my baby is growing up... he's not a baby anymore, he's a little boy!!! it will be a moment i will not forget anytime soon...

One more time!!!

ok... so here we go again... another attempt to start a blog. to share, record and actually see my thoughts... well... thought about doing this over and over again... but just thinking about the frequency my sister-in-law spends on her blog... i wonder if i could keep up. ha! i shall conceed.

cody's napping, but he'll wake soon. so i thought i'd start this blog now! ya! commit! woohoo...maybe i'll start this and not share it with anyone... just to see how good i am at keep up with this first... yeah... maybe... we'll see...

later!