my world is spinning - in my head!!!

well, i'm slightly better but i still have some vertigo, especially awful when i'm lying down.

friday morning i woke up with an awful nauseating feeling. i was dreaming i was spinning, then when i woke up, the feeling didn't go away. then when i sat up in bed, i just had the most intense paining feeling both in my gut and my head, and i just spun and felt on the bed in a spiral. chiyang was quick to notice something wasn't wrong and called the office to cancel his appointments and ended up taking me for an emergency MRI and also calling all my doctors.

i was put on a medication that is suppose to stop the spinning, but it really just knocked me out for the rest of friday and all of saturday. i finally stopped taking it, since all it does is make you sleepy so you don't spin. but the moment i wake up, my world spins that i just try to go back to sleep. i was told on saturday to take half the pill so that it doesn't put me out completely. i did that on sunday and i felt slightly better. but i blacked out after service while talking to someone about women's ministry. it was temporary, the brought me and chair and i sat there till most people had left.

now, things have calm down a little, but it's still terrible when i respond to the alarm clock. it's instinct, yet when i turn over, i always end up spinning out of control. i've taken the advice about focusing on something and that helps.

as for the positional vertigo diagnosis, well, i talked to chiyang about it more, and also my neurologist. they agree that it could be positional vertigo, however, they aren't sure if it is truly the complete textbook case of "beneign positional vertigo" they think there is actually something causing it. so it's isn't beneign. given my medical history, they have made me appointments to see my rheumatologist who has put me back on my original dose of medications and also my opthamologist. the eye doctor's appointment isn't till the end of the month, but it's an important visit since in the past, the blood vessels in my eyes have always told the story of what's going on in my body. and MRI will not be able to tell micro level inflammation, but my eyes have been faithful clueing us into how my body's doing.

i'm writing to ask for prayer... it's been disappointing to have to go back on my meds, because this means our baby making calendar has been moved back again another 12-18 months. the high risk OB doctor's order was for me to only try after having no symptoms of the disease for 12-18 months. we thought the date to start counting from was july 2006, but now with this presentation of vertigo, it's moved to oct 2006. bummer!!!

on one hand, i know that god's totally in control and there is much to learn from this experience, but then i also wish we didn't have to do that. i wish god just pushed a button and the lesson is banked in my brain forever!!! i also am very aware that this might be spiritual warfare. because my parents are visiting, this will the last visit for a while. since my dad is starting his new ministry, i see this as an issue that might cause worry, distraction and if not carefully handled, division (with my mom possibly wanting to come to help take care of cody and myself, while she really should be with my dad, her husband). i also see this as spiritual attack on chiyang's ministry at mosaic. he just became the shepherd facilitator of mosaic and with my health issues, it can be distracting, from the work that we both have committed to. then there is my ministry at mosaic with the women's ministry. ugh!

okay... better rest now that cody's taking his nap...